My thoughts on Easter

Yesterday (Thursday) I woke up at 5 o'clock. Ironic really, as that was the time my father in law was due to be buried in England. I woke up filled with intense sadness and grief. As it was early and I didn't want to wake Brent up, I lay there silently willing myself to go back to sleep. It didn't work. I checked my phone and read some heartfelt comments that some of my family in England had made regarding their own emotions. Still, I couldn't sleep and still I felt so, so sad.

I believe that this life is not the end. I believe that my father in law had lived a full life and that he was happy where he now was. I believe that he was reunited with his beloved wife. Why did I feel so sad and grief stricken?

When Brent got up, I tried to busy myself by cleaning the house and doing other mundane chores, but I just got sadder as the morning went on and found it difficult to stop crying. Along with the sadness and grief I felt an intense disappointment. Disappointed that I couldn't be there at his graveside, disappointed that I hadn't been there sharing the last years of his life and disappointed that I wasn't able to be surrounded by family as we mourned the loss of our patriarch.

Perhaps it was love. Now don't get me wrong. Anyone who knew my father in law well would probably agree that at times he could be a very difficult man, but he was my husband's father and I loved and respected him for that. He taught me a lot about the Gospel and the church as we discussed scriptures together, did genealogical research and attended the temple. I also witnessed the love he had for my children, the happy times he shared with them as he taught them to fish and swim and walked in the Doggie Woods with them recollecting his own childhood.

Then, in the afternoon, something strange happened. I began to feel his presence very strongly. I rarely feel things like that. It's happened a few times before, but not often. My heart began getting full, so full of emotion, and all I could hear was my father in law telling me to focus on the Savior. Over and over. I was still crying, but my sadness transformed into happiness and a focus on my knowledge that my Redeemer lives. He has the power to calm my troubled heart, to wipe away my tears and to bless me beyond all measure.

I saw this picture on Pinterest (don't you just love Pinterest?) and thought about it a lot as the afternoon wore on. Our human life is just a moment in our existence. We came from God and we will go back to God. We're spiritual beings. We need to feed that spirit. We need to come to know Jesus Christ as our Savior and our Redeemer. I know that! I've known it for some time now, but yesterday my testimony grew.

By experiencing intense sorrow and grief, I was able to be in the position to listen for the whisperings of the Spirit. In my life they have sometimes come from answers to prayer, from reading the scriptures, listening to the prophet's voice or listening to the counsel of others. By listening to the voice of my father in law, I was able to turn my thoughts and emotions around and feed my spirit at this Easter time.

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior and Redeemer. I know that when he went to Gethsemane, he did it for me. I know that he died and that when he was resurrected on the third day he opened the way for me to be able to live with my Heavenly Father again. He knows me by name. He loves me.

Happy Easter everyone! I hope you too feel of the Savior's love at this blessed time.