My thoughts on Grief

We're fortunate nowadays that we don't encounter death and dying the way our ancestors used to. In those days, death was a common place event. No one was exempt. Parents lost children, children lost parents. Through these experiences, tragic as they always are, they learnt about grief. They learnt how to come together as families and communities and through their various customs and beliefs, deal with their grief as they celebrated and remembered the life of their loved one.

I don't think that we're so good at dealing with grief anymore. Many of us have no fixed belief system to guide us through our emotional loss. We have no celebrated customs for the grieving period as our ancestors had and as families we're so spread out around the globe, that we hardly know each other any more, so how can we come together and understand each other?

I'm no expert on death and dying. I'm not an analyst or a grief counselor, but I have experienced the pains of death in my life. I have lost my father, a granddaughter, my brother, grandparents, aunts, parents in law as well as cherished pets and other friends and colleagues that I knew. Through the course of my work as a nurse, I have been privileged to have been present when some of my patients have unfortunately died. When you nurse a patient for many weeks and get to know them and their family well, their loss can really touch your heart. Always tragic and sad is the loss of a baby. When people visit the labor and delivery unit where I work, many comment on it being a happy place. I'm pleased to say it is, for the most part, but sometimes it's not. Sometimes a child is born before it had the chance to live. The grief of the parents and grandparents is always profound.

When I think about my own grief at these times in my life and have witnessed the grief of my family members, I have learnt that grief is different for everyone, and it's different at different times in our lives and even from day to day. We're all at different stages of our lives, with different exposures to death and grief. Depending on what is happening in our day to day life,  how strong we feel, or not, will determine how we cope with and express our grief. It's not dependent on how often we saw our loved one or when we last spoke, but on the countless times that we thought about that person on a daily basis. It's about what's in our heart that no one else can see.

The difficulty lies in our interactions with those who are grieving. Even our family members who we think we know well can be upset and hurt by our insensitive comments when we think they should feel or act a certain way. The way we feel. The way we would act. But how can they? They're not us and we're not them and we're not feeling the same as they are even though we might be grieving the same person. Each one of us expresses our grief in a different way, some privately, others publicly. When a loved one dies it's all to easy for family members to look around them and feel critical of anothers expressions or behaviors and react rashly. Comments, no matter how generic,  may be made that under normal circumstances are easily brushed off, but under the mantel of grief, are taken to heart. How many family relationships have been damaged or even severed at times like these?

If you're one of the few people who read this blog, you might be wondering if I have experienced critical feelings towards me during my current period of grief. The answer is no. I have not. I am just feeling sensitive to grief right now and have been thinking a lot about the different reactions to grief of those around me, how there is no right and there is no wrong. There is no perfect way of behaving. We just need to be super sensitive to others when they are in this delicate stage of their lives, especially if those people are ones with whom we want to have continued relationships.

Mainly, this post has been a catharsis for me. I was never a great one for keeping journals, but every now and then I get this burning desire to write something down as a way of working through my own emotions. Right now I just want to conclude that I feel much better for writing this. Perhaps I have resolved my own internal conflicts. Who knows?  I hope that going forward, whenever I encounter someone who is grieving, I will remember my own words and be sensitive, compassionate and empathetic. I will not judge and I will not measure their pain and grief against my own, for they can never be the same.


And if I go, while you’re still here…..
Know that I live on,
Vibrating to a different measure
Behind a thin veil you cannot
See through.
You will not see me,
So you must have faith.
I wait for the time when
We can soar together again,
Both aware of each other.
Until then, live your life to its fullest
And when you need me,
Just whisper my name in your heart,
…….I will be there.

~ Emily Dickinson

Flowering cacti

Another sign that spring is here! The cactus in my front yard have started flowering. Aren't they pretty?

As I was taking a photo of these cacti, I thought I'd go around the back and photo my own cacti. The ones I have planted and nurtured. These are the true miracles! Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a confessed plant killer. I did not inherit the green fingered gene that both my parents possessed. Give me a plant, any plant, and I will kill it! Not purposefully, mind you, but plants that have hardy, or drought resistant on their labels, have still been known to succumb to my nefarious talents!

Anyhoo, this is an aloe vera plant that Heather gave me as some little seedlings (???) from her Dad's yard. They're growing, right?

This cactus looks healthy too. I've had it a number of years and it's still alive!

I must admit though. This plant is my piece de resistance. At my last house, this was by my front door and I admit, it was neglected. When I moved in here about 16 months ago, it was almost dead. Honestly, I wanted to throw it out. But, I put it outside near the water hose and watered it whenever I remembered, and look at it now. It's glorious!!! It's my favorite plant ever. It loves me, I think. It wants to grow for me!

Forty years in the making!!!

When I was a young girl of, oh, about 10, I suppose, I tried my hand at embroidery. It was a traditional Ukrainian pattern and I did it in a thin wool. I had no clue what it was going to be when it was finished, I just started embroidering it on some canvas and carried on until I was fed up with doing it. I can't remember exactly when that took place, but I do remember doing some more on it as a young adult, enough to make it an even six columns by four rows. I must have left it at my Mom's house when we moved to the States, but last year or so, she sent it to me.
I had no idea what to do with it. It seemed such a shame for it not to become something after all the work that had gone into it. Finally, I decided that it would become a little purse. I lined it with black felt, sewed up the bottom and sides, attached two D rings and added a leather strap that I bought at Joanns.

Here it is!!! Testament that perseverance and patience finally pay off. It's not very big, but its enjoying being hung in my closet next to my scarves rather than being tucked at the back of a drawer being ignored.

Indiana Jones and the Curse of the Palm Tree

One of the palm trees in my back yard has decided that it's springtime. As you can see from the photo, it has shot out three large, well, I'm not sure what you call them. "Appendages" spring to mind, but at any rate, its where the palm fronds eventually emerge from.One of them was sticking right out over the path at about head height, so along came my very own Indiana Jones...

...and hacked it off!!!

Just in case you're looking at the yucky grass, he then went on to cut it. Who knew Indiana Jones could be so industrious all in one morning?

Engagement Photos

How time flies!
It doesn't seem two minutes since the baby of my babies was born and here he is all engaged to be married! Jordan and Britney have actually been engaged a few months now, but due to their busy schedules, its taken them this long to actually get some photos taken to commemorate the event.
Next stop...January 5th 2013 and a wedding day!!!

I Love To See The Temple

It is so exciting to see the Gilbert Temple being built. It's so prominent all around the area and is going to look magnificent. I took these pics from the park across the street. I was in the same spot, but zoomed a little closer for the second two shots.

These ones I took from the car while we were at the lights. 

Work It!

Michael cutting the grass!

Blogging on the go!

So I downloaded an application for my phone that lets me Blog on the go. Thought I'd try it out by posting this picture of Sophie that I took the other day.

Being Frugal Part 2

I thought I'd try being frugal with skin care too. Actually, when I was in my 20s with small babies, I was pretty frugal then too. I used baby lotion for a cleanser, witch hazel (really cheap) as a toner for my then oily skin and then baby lotion again for a moisturizer.

Here are some of my wonderful ingredients. 

First, I made a toner out of glycerin, fresh lemon juice and water. I LOVE IT!!!!! Thank you Pinterest! I thought the lemon juice in it would maybe make the toner "go off" but it doesn't. It makes my skin feel lovely and fresh with a little tightness, which I like. 

Being stoked that this worked so well, I thought I'd move on and make an oil based cleanser. It called for castor oil and extra virgin olive oil which I decided to mix in equal quantities, although this can be tweaked according to your skin type. I've never used an oil based cleanser before so it felt a little weird, and to be honest, I didn't like the smell. The only extra virgin olive oil I had in the house was Spanish and maybe it was just a little too strong smelling. Too much like a frying pan! Then I found sweet almond oil in Wal-Mart and my problems were solved. It smells wonderful!

Here is my cleanser on the left and toner on the right in some travel bottles that are ideal sizes for what I need.

After rubbing the cleanser into my face, I wondered about the best way of getting it off without it leaving my face oily. Then I remembered when I went for my fancy free facial last month at the Desert Ridge Marriott, they used lots of wash cloths soaked in hot water on my face (at least I think that's what they were, I had my eyes closed). Wal-Mart came to the rescue again. 18 washcloths for $4, neatly rolled into a wicker basket and my spa experience can continue. It really does take all the oil off and leave your face feeling super clean.

I feel so FRUGAL right now! Not cheap, remember! FRUGAL!!!!!

Being Frugal Part 1

I'm not one for making New Years Resolutions because, lets face it, I will probably never exercise or lose weight and I've never smoked so I don't need to quit. They seem a bit of a waste of time to me. This year though, I did make one...I decided that in 2012 I wanted to look for ways of being more frugal. I said FRUGAL, not CHEAP. Cheap is passe, frugal is the latest in word. 

Thanks to Pinterest (wonderful invention) I thought I'd start the new year out by making my own laundry detergent. Up until a couple of weeks ago, I was doing laundry for seven people so laundry detergent prices were adding up and this method looked like it was going to save me a lot of money.

Here are my ingredients, all found in the laundry aisle at Wal-Mart for the grand cost of $7.59 and they can be used over and over (well, 4 times for the soap). I have also used just regular soap instead of the Fels Naptha and it works just as well. In fact, I used those little hotel soaps that you get for free.

 Here's my detergent "cooking" in the bucket I snagged from hubby. I leave it overnight with the lid on and by morning it's all gelified like this.

 And ready to put in these Rubbermaid containers which are great as they have big mouths which makes it easier to get the detergent into the bottles and pouring spouts. 

Actually, I use other containers too...empty water containers, empty laundry containers, anything really, or I just leave what I don't want in the bucket for another time.